I laughed at a Facebook status update from friend and author David Meerman Scott:

“Gobbledygook alert!! http://www.osskinteractive.com/ What does this company do? “results oriented, cost efficient solutions…”

Too right. Some of us like to think that we can be relied upon for straight talking…..at least as far as you can be in PR.

A few years ago, while working for the Village PR, we launched our own anti-jargon campaign. We sent out a 100% cotton facecloth embroidered with the message “The Only Flannel You’ll get from the Village”.

We could have launched the campaign thus: “The worlds leading global communications specialists today announced the launch of a unique multi-platform media relations service solution which enables companies to leverage the latest cutting-edge copy creation techniques in the transmission of its brand messages to segmented target audience groups.”

Instead we put out a release alerting people to the level of corporate flannel we found when researching PR jargon, and launched a service for other PRs to send us their press releases to be re-written in English.

We also called a few business journalists and discovered that their most hated words were “global, first, leading, cutting-edge, solution, leverage, and end-to-end”. One also said that if they saw another CEO “delighted” or “pleased” to be announcing something they would hit someone.

So why do PR people do it? Our theory was that the PR industry is fundamentally insecure. Although what it sells is very powerful – a client’s ‘story’ told by the influential voice of the media – the problem is that you never really know how the media are going to treat your offering. As a result it has cosseted itself with a language to aggrandise itself but also to obfuscate clients and journalists.

The best example of PR industry pomposity we found was from Quentin Bell who wrote a book called ‘the PR Business, an insiders guide to real life public relations (1991)’. In it he claims he was so unhappy with existing definitions of public relations that he came up with this to describe what QBO (his agency) did – “The identification, segmentation and persuasive interpretation of valid messages to key audiences, the results of which can be investigated against strategic objectives.”

He also took 3 words – identify, interpret and investigate – which he “packaged” into a special logo which he sold as “an operating system, a failsafe methodology of implementing all and every PR campaign”.

This from a company whose job is to help companies communicate.

Other sins occur when PR people are actively trying to get coverage. Some stories capture journalists’ imaginations and run and run and others, apparently similar, only make it as far as the bin. Difficult when you have clients who think they should be on the 10 o’clock news for the launch of a pen when there’s an international war going on. So the tricks of the trade are applied to make a story sound more important than it is.

A terrible example of the aggrandisement of a story with corporate-babble and jargon is this press release from a clay tablet company, found by Jeff Chappell writing for Electronic News:

“The world’s leading clay tablet company, Babylonian Tablet Corp., is pleased and excited to announce today that it is launching ClayMud [TM] , a new world-class tablet technology. Leveraging the company’s experience in mud-brick technology, Babylonian Tablet has developed a new industry-leading state-of-the art solution that will revolutionize cuneiform writing. By mixing clay from the Euphrates River with mud from the Tigris, Babylonian Tablet has developed a uniquely robust offering for royal scribes. ClayMud [TM] is softer than previous generations of tablet clays, allowing scribes to work more efficiently, while drying in half the time of competing clays, improving royal time-to-market by orders of magnitude lower.”

And here’s how it appeared in their trade magazine Cuneiform Weekly:

“Mud-brick and clay tablet maker Babylonian Tablet Corp. (BTC) recently rolled out its new ClayMud material for cuneiform tablets. ClayMud utilizes Euphrates River Clay mixed with Tigris River mud to produce tablet material that BTC claims is softer than previous-generation materials but cuts drying time in half.”

As Jeff points out “so much for leveraging a robust solution.”

When the issue is keeping something out of the media, PR people do the opposite. They play it down and issue a boring ‘holding statement’, hiding the really nasty news on page 4 of the press release.

This example is of a company trying to hide bad news in a dense tangle of jargon and was singled out by a writer on the Business Journal in the US: “Boston Scientific Corp. today announced a global operations plan to increase productivity and enhance innovation through a series of initiatives designed to improve supply chain effectiveness, strengthen manufacturing process control, and optimise the company’s network of plants.”

The real story was that they were cutting millions of dollars in operating costs, cutting 1,000 positions, closing several plants and shifting hundreds of jobs to Miami and Ireland.

CEO Jim Tobin was quoted saying: “This plan will enable us to intensify our focus on operational excellence and increase our commitment to innovation. This is a forward-looking plan (as opposed to all those useless backward-looking plans?) that says innovation is our future, and that we’re creating the opportunity to make the necessary investments to support innovation and a robust future.”

On the other hand, here is what Tobin told The Wall Street Journal: “It’s a lot easier to run fewer plants well.” Now that we can all understand. Why didn’t they say that in the first place.

To help us through the nonsense jungle, David put together a handy ebook – The Gobbldygook Manifesto which you can download by clicking on the image.

Talk about an all-in-one robust best-of-breed communications clarification solution.

And David was obviously thinking along similar lines that day.

London’s commuters were reeling this summer from a ‘rude’ wake-up call, as 308 naked figures joined in the morning rush hour, with only scarves to cover up their modesty.

On first inspection, much of London’s commuters could have been excused for thinking a public exposure offence could have been in order but for the extremely minute, yet hugely important detail – their fellow commuters were wearing specially made bodysuits which gave the impression the commuters were naked.

The nudes were out in force to celebrate the launch of the stunning 308CC, in attire designed to bring to life the car’s first-of-its-class Airwave Neck Heating System – heat scarf. With its blend of innovative technology and sophisticated style, the 308CC is the newest addition to the 308 range and continues to build on Peugeot’s rich heritage in the CC sector.

The 308CC ensures that you are seated in ultimate style and comfort. From the sculpted sports seats to the innovative on board technology, the car is designed to deliver an exceptional driving experience. In just 20 seconds you can go from the refined interior of the coupé to the open-air exhilaration of the cabriolet. Roof up or roof down you can rest assured that you will never have to compromise on performance. The innovative Neck Airwave Heating System diffuses warm air through the head rests, protecting the head and neck from the cold. Interior comfort is also enhanced with automatic air con and leather heated seats (available as an option or standard on GT).

The sophisticated design of the 308CC is reflected in the dashboard, where the instrument panel has a sports white matrix that illuminates at night. The car offers a choice of two cutting-edge navigation, audio and multi-media systems: Peugeot Connect Nav (RNEG) and Peugeot Connect 3D Nav (NG4), which includes a voice recognition bluetooth system.

The 308CC is also one of the safest cars in its class achieving a 5* NCAP Safety rating. You are protected with up to six safety airbags, including side head airbags which are built into the head restraint – making the 308CC the only car in this segment to have this innovative technology. The tough, robust structure is designed to shield you, dissipating the energy of front and side impacts, whilst intelligent seat restraints take the cabriolet’s safety to new levels. The 308CC can also detect any risk of rollover and protect you from it in less than a blink of an eye. Extractable hoops create a passenger survival cell with windscreen pillars, cocooning you from the impact. Meanwhile the Electronic Stability Programme (ESP), fitted as standard across the range, adds an extra layer of safety. Electronic Brake Force Distribution and Emergency Brake Assist keep the car stable in emergency conditions.

Peugeot is committed to reducing the impact of cars on the environment and are one of the few manufacturers in the industry that are on track to meet the European emissions target of 2010. The car is equipped with a range of diesel and petrol engines that reduce emissions (and are available as automatics), whilst continuing to blend power with efficiency. In fact the HDi 110 FAP has the lowest CO₂ emissions in the segment at 138 g/km.

The 308CC has been available to order since 1^st April 2009 and the early orders for this vehicle have been extremely strong. Headlining the range at launch is the limited edition ‘308 CC GT 100’. As the name suggests, the supply of this very special derivative is strictly limited to 100, split 50 Pearl White and 50 Nera Black. This vehicle has proved to be very successful with the 100 vehicles already sold out less than a month since its introduction.

Sculpted with meticulous attention the 308CC is a true 4 seater and a real head turner. The 308CC comes in a choice of eight colours, introducing Pearl White and Mocha.

For more information on the new 308CC and to view images of the nudes in action go to the Peugeot mini-site http://www.nudeinascarf.com/ and to see more pictures from the day go to the Nude in a Scarf flickr page.